Beauty in the Breakdown
by seaoftrouble
Summary: Ryan isn't dealing well with failing out of business school and Jim finds himself having to deal with the results. Will be slash in the future, so if you're not a fan of the man love, then go read something else.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Beauty in the Breakdown **

**Summary: **Ryan isn't dealing well with failing out of business school and Jim finds himself having to deal with the results. Will be slash in the future, so if you're not a fan of the man love, then go read something else.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. The following story is for fan entertainment only.

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**Chapter One: When I Find Myself In Times of Trouble **

Ryan Howard was staring intently at a lukewarm can of diet Pepsi nestled between his hands. He sat slumped in his chair, the silence of the break room a welcomed break from the droning office chatter. Jim Halpert entered the room and dropped a few coins into the soda machine, the loud clatter of the can rousing Ryan out of his reverie.

"Hey, man. What's up?" Jim asked, opening the can.

Ryan blink, as if confused and looked up at Jim. "Um, sorry. What?"

"You alright?" Jim asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Just tired I guess" Ryan said, sitting back and rubbing at his eyes.

"Good thing its Friday, right?" Jim said as he headed towards the door.

"Yeah"

"See ya later"

"Um…Jim?" Ryan said as Jim was just about to open the door.

"Yeah" Jim turned.

"Ah, nothing. Never mind. Sorry." Ryan stammered. Jim shot him a questioning look.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, just never mind" Ryan smiled, but Jim didn't think the younger man looked very happy.

Jim watched Ryan at his desk make call after call and it was evident that he has still to make a sale. Michael called him into his office a few hours later, and when Ryan emerged ten minutes later, he headed straight to the stairs. Jim looked over to Pam, who urged him to follow.

Jim opened the door to the stairs slowly and saw Ryan huddled against the corner with his back to Jim on the level below.

"Hey, everything okay?" Jim asked, placing his hand on Ryan's shoulder.

Ryan jumped in surprise and wiped at his face. Jim looked down, trying to preserve some of Ryan's dignity as he wiped tears out of his eyes.

Ryan cleared his throat. "I'm fine, it's just allergies…the air is better, down here. You know"

"Maybe you could get Michael to let you leave early. You said you were tired"

"Fuck Michael!" Ryan suddenly yelled, taking Jim by surprise. Ryan was breathing hard as Jim stared at him.

"Just please, leave me alone" Ryan said as he sank to the stairs and cradled his head in his hands. Jim sat down next to the smaller man.

"You know whatever is bothering you, it could help to talk about it" Jim said gently.

Ryan looked up at him, this time not trying to hide the tears.

"It's just this job." He said sadly, " I just can't take it anymore"

"Well, hey, that's why you're going to business school, right? So you can be running a place like this in a few years"

Ryan let out a sob and turned away from Jim.

"I failed out. I'm gonna be stuck here forever!" Ryan yelled desperately.

Jim didn't know what to say, so he rubbed Ryan's back trying to comfort him.

"I'm sorry Ryan" Ryan turned to Jim, and Jim a frown settled on Jim's features when he saw the pain and fear on Ryan's wet face. He threw himself into Jim's chest, Jim awkwardly wrapping his arms around the dark haired man, but held him tighter when the other man began to shake.

"Ryan. Calm down.." Jim tried to soothe the younger man, but he only calmed down after Jim promised that he'd get Michael to let them leave.

"Just wait here okay?" Jim said gently. "I'll go talk to Michael and get your stuff. I'll be right back" Jim realized that Ryan was in the middle of a breakdown.

Jim went back into the office and told Michael that Ryan wasn't feeling well and that he needed to take him home. Michael having a man crush on Ryan, didn't have any opposition to letting the pair leave.

"Jim, what's up?" Pam asked.

"I'm not sure. Ryan's really shook up about something. He was in the stairwell crying. I told Michael he was sick. Cover for us?"

"Of course" Pam agreed. Jim gave her one last smile before heading out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

"So, um, where do you live, exactly?" Jim asked as he pulled out of the Dunder Mifflin parking lot. He had work with the younger man for the past two years, but he had absolutely no idea where he lived, or who, if anyone, he lived with.

"I don't want to go home" Ryan said softly and without emotion. He was looking out the window and his hand were gripping is messenger bad so tight Jim could see the whites of his knuckles.

"Okay. We could go to my place, if you want" Jim offered, not sure where else he could take the smaller man. Ryan didn't seem up to doing much of anything. It was like he shut down after his breakdown in the stairwell.

"Sure" Ryan said, his small voice making Jim worry. It was completely devoid of emotion. Jim wondered if maybe he just needed a nap or something. He hadn't really thought about what he was going to with his co-worker after he got him out of the building. He just wanted to make him feel better, but Ryan had grown silent again.

"Are you hungry or anything? We could stop for food" Jim offered, hoping at least to get Ryan talking again, but Ryan didn't respond. He just continued to stare out the window.

Ten minutes later, they arrived at Jim apartment.

"Here we are" Jim announced. He waited for Ryan to get out of the car, but the dark haired man simply sat in the passengers seat, staring at nothing. Jim taped on the window. Ryan didn't even flinch. Jim opened the door and bent down to look at Ryan.

"Hey, man, you okay?" Jim asked, his voice laced with concern, "Hey, Ryan, come on, get out of the car" Jim reached over and unbuckled the seat belt. Ryan didn't seem to notice he was there. It was like he completely shut down. The older man didn't know if he should drag Ryan out, or leave him there until he was ready to leave.

"Ryan, say something. You're starting to scare me. Do I have to call an ambulance?" Jim was really starting to worry and the almost catatonic young man currently occupying his passengers seat.

"What?" Ryan suddenly shook his head and looked at Jim, confused.

"Are you okay? You were really zoned out" Jim said.

"Yeah...I was just thinking" He said slowly as he got out of the car.

"Okay" Jim responded uneasily, hoping he wasn't in over his head. He had never seen somebody act like that before.

"Sorry" Ryan said quietly, looking up at Jim.

"Come on," Jim tried to offer Ryan a smile, but he was getting that distant look in his eyes again, "lets go inside" He led the younger man inside. The entryway was dark, and Jim set down his bag and fumbled for the light switch. When he turned around, Ryan was standing inches away from him.

"Jim?" He breathed. The older man looked at him, confused, before Ryan threw his arms around the taller man's neck and pressed his lips to his.


	3. Chapter 3

Jim's mind was a blur. Ryan was acting crazy, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to deal with that. He was going to make him some dinner and then maybe play some video games or something. He figured that if and when Ryan wanted to talk about whatever was going on with him, he would, and Jim would listen and do what he could to help him. It was supposed to be that easy. Just helping a friend out.

But Ryan had just made the whole situation a lot more complicated.

The younger man had thrown himself at his host, his arms wrapped tightly around his neck and his lips, quivering and needy, pressed sloppily against Jim's mouth. At first, Jim can't move, he's too stunned. Ryan is kissing him.

_Why is Ryan kissing him_? Jim's mind is reeling, and his body reacts before his mind can catch up. He's kissing the younger man back, his hands coming up to Ryan's back, pressing him against his chest. When Ryan moans softly, sounding desperate, Jim is slammed back into reality.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa" Jim stammers, gently pushing Ryan away. The smaller man's face is flushed and his lips are glistening along with his eyes.

"What was that?" Jim asks, breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that" Ryan breathes. He still standing close enough to Jim to kiss him again, and Jim wonders if he will. He can't figure out what is going on in Ryan's head. His behavior was all over the place.

"No...it's okay" Jim responds before he can stop himself. _It's okay? It's okay that Ryan just threw himself at him? What? _Jim was trying to process his reaction to Ryan at the same time he was trying to figure out what to do with him. He couldn't ignore the way his heart was beating and the fact he couldn't stop staring at Ryan's lips. He swallowed, trying to clear his mind.

Suddenly, Ryan's mouth is attached to Jim's again and this time, Jim doesn't push him away. He's not thinking about anything but Ryan, desperate and needy. His hands are grabbing handfuls of the younger man's hair and clothes and it all feels so foreign, but he doesn't want to stop.

The faint smell of Ryan's cologne burns Jim's throat as he sucks in deep breaths when he can manage to pry Ryan's face away from his. The smaller man is pressing himself against his friend so hard that the pair stumble backwards and Jim ends up slamming his back against the wall.

Ryan, relentless, is still mashing his body against Jim's. His hands are still gripping tight handfuls of Jim's jacket, and the tall man can feel his friend's fists shaking with the effort.

Jim's caught up in the moment. He wraps his arms securely around Ryan's smaller form and half carries, half drags the younger man into the living room. The whole time, Ryan is still kissing him, groaning softly.

Jim falls back onto the couch, pulling Ryan down on top of him. Suddenly, Ryan pushes himself off of Jim's chest and is staring at the older man, his eyes having that same wild look they did earlier.

"Jim?" He questions as he scoots off Jim, settling on the opposite side of the couch.

"Yeah...Ryan, what's wrong?" Jim asks, bewildered. It's becoming exhausting keeping up with Ryan's drastic mood changes.

"What am I going to do?" Ryan asks quietly, his eyes searching Jim's.

"It'll be okay" Jim says, putting his arm around the smaller man. Jim doesn't know what else to say. Ryan is scaring the hell out of him now, and Jim wonders if he's having some sort of mental break down. He doesn't know if he can handle this by himself. It was supposed to be a simple gesture of friendship, but Jim knew that now it was so much more than that. What the hell it was, Jim had no idea. He just knew that he had to help Ryan, he wanted to help Ryan, and he wanted Ryan.

"They left the light on" Ryan mumbles. He's slumped against Jim now, eyes closed.

Jim tries to figure out how to respond to that, but after a few minutes, Ryan is snoring softly, out cold.


End file.
